Okay. The most important people in my life already know this, but I feel the need to shout it to the roof tops.

DAYNE AND I ARE ENGAGED!

Don't worry, as soon as I get it, I will upload the proposal video... cause it's the perfect mixture of sweet and hilarious. :|  But I shall tell the story....

Basically, my mom and grandma knew about this for about a month.  My mom because Dayne had called her to ask her permission, and my grandma because well... she was needed to help.  And then my grandpa and my Aunt knew for about a week because they needed their help to.  But I digress... We go to my grandparent's house for our family Easter, and I'm there for awhile playing with my cousins, totally unaware.  Once everyone was there, my grandma has me sit down on a chair in the living room and told everyone else to sit down, too.  Then she hands me a box, and says "A package came for Amanda today, and she needs to read it and open it in front of everyone."  The tag on the box said:

"My dearest Amanda,

This is a different kind of "we" than you were expecting.
It is based on love, trust, and commitment.
It is love, the bridge between two hearts.
It is trust, even in the face of certain doubt.
It is commitment, should the first two ever falter.

And on Easter, when all is made new, I send this and my deepest love for you

~Your love and companion."

After I read that, I began to open the box (and the box inside the box) and I hear my aunt Dawn go "Oh my GOD!"  And I look up and turn and Dayne is standing there.  I didn't even give him a chance to get down on his knee before tackling him.  It was while tackled to the ground that he asked me to marry him, and I of course said yes :D

We had all of Saturday together then, and we just got back a bit ago from taking him to the airport.  It was only a short amount of time together, but this is honestly the least sad I've been after saying goodbye to him, since I know in an amount of time we'll be spending the rest of our lives together - and that has me pretty damn giddy. :)

I would ask my cats if I did a good job loving and raising them. It's silly, but I worry all the time that I've been a lousy mama to my babies.

I never thought I would hit a road bump in my Lenten fast so soon. -_- I came home from work, and the first thing my moms says to me: "WOW, you've been hanging out with Celina. You're hips are widened again." And then a few minutes later: "Your stomach is getting poochy, too! You're not pregnant, are you?"

Ugh. -_-

It doesn't only have to be abstaining from something - it's anything that will be difficult (but not impossible) that you are willing to commit to for 40 days and 40 nights. In the past, I have tried to give up drinking soda during Lent - but already this morning, I had a can, so there goes that. This Writers Block really actually made me sit down and think about what I was going to do this year, and I've decided. For Lent, I'm giving up Fat Talk. If you need clarification, watch the Tri Delta video for their Fat Talk Free week that was in October.



It may seem like "Oh, that's easy." But it's more than just giving up Fat Talk - it's loving the body that God gave me.

http://z3.invisionfree.com/whistlestop/index.php?act=idx

Whistlestop Academy for the advanced!

[/shameless plug]

It's a good thing I hated that job anyway. Although, I will miss the pay. However, the union is going to fight for unemployment benefits for me, and they're going to fight for it to be classified as "longterm layoff" rather than "termination" for when I apply for a job elsewhere. Oh well. They're a bunch of bastards anyway. The only nice thing was the pay and the convenience that it was right across the street.

I had so much fun this past week, but it came and went so fast! T_T Monday night we picked Dayne up from the airport, and the two of us exchanged our gifts right away (cause one of us was impatient *cough* >.>). He got me an outlet adaptor that lets you charge USB things from regular outlets (like iPods and my new phone, who's power cord doesn't work), and he got me this back massager thing that you can either wear like a backpack or attatch to a chair, and he got me the book "A Girl's Guide to dating a Geek" :|, and... he got me.... ALL OF SAILOR MOON ON DVD! OMGosh I died a little when I unwrapped that :| I know what I'LL be doing in my freetime now.

Tuesday we lounged around all day. Seriously... we didn't even shower. :| Wednesday we had to get up and shower in the morning cause I has a Chiropractor appointment, but then we went back home... and lounged around the whole rest of the day. At least until Jim's kids got there, then we were both playing with them (they LOVED Dayne, and he was so great with them... it made me happy). Thursday afternoon he drove my car to Fond du Lac so we could go to the mall and get our Christmas shopping done, and then I took him to Tuckers for dinner. And then Friday was another lounge day, until the kids got there.

Saturday was my family's Christmas, where he got to meet my mom's side of the family and have at least one out of four of my little boy cousins climbing all over him at all times. One of them is in wrestling, like Dayne used to be, so it was adorable watching Dayne try to teach him how to do some things. My grandparents and all my aunts and uncles loved him, too, so it was all-in-all a lot of fun. We stayed up until 5:30 in the morning that night watching season 7 of Scrubs, too. >.> And then, Sunday we had to drive him to the airport to go home again. T_T

That's the gist of things, but all that time, too, it was snowing like CRAZY. Oh, and, the biggest thing - I was schedualed to work on Saturday and Sunday. So I called at the start of the week to try to work things out, and the whole week up until Saturday I was trying to work things out with them. I would have probably still been able to make it in on Sunday, and just be a little late, after dropping Dayne off... but I didn't have to even try, because after I called in on Saturday to say I wouldn't be able to make it in (cause let's face it - I was NOT going to miss my family's Christmas), I got a call back later from a woman in the office saying that I was not to report into work until further notice. They're supposed to call me today and all that jazz, but one of three things can happen: They'll tell me that I'll have an occurrence point for calling in (which is what SHOULD happen, if they follow their own rules), they could tell me I am on unpaid suspension for a certain amount of time, or they could tell me that I'm fired.

I won't even go into all the reasons why they can't legally fire me (not to mention, I'm in the union now, and they'll fight for me, supossedly). But if they do? Good riddance. It's a GREAT paying job, and I'd love to be able to keep it... but I'm not really going to fight that hard to keep it if they're going to fire me for this. It's such bullshit. I TRIED to work things out, and by doing so they had PLENTY of time to work things out on their end. But they didn't. I could have easily just called in on Saturday with no prior warning and then what? They would have just given me an occurance point and moved on. But because I had told them in advance, I am facing disiplinary actions. Whatever. I'm not too heart-broken, even if the pay was nice.

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: For those who are guessing -- looking the lyrics up on a search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game post your own.

1. Save some face, you know you've only got one

2. How long did we all think this all would last?

3. If there's someone you can live without, then do so

4. There's sometimes I want something more... someone more like me

5. Look around, everywhere you turn it's heartache

6. Live is a mystery, everyone must stand alone

7. It's bad luck to say good luck on opening night

8. I woke up to find, your face on my mind, the sun always shines on my garden

9. If someone stood up in a crowd, and raised his voice way up loud

10. I follow the night, can't stand the light

11. This is the key that makes us wind up

12. Shot through the heart, and you're to blame

13. When you're feeling sad and low, we will take you where you gotta go

14. You're always dancing down the street with your suede blue eyes

15. I admit in the past I've been a nasty, they weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch

16. You ain't nothing but a hound dog

17. Was a long and dark December, from the rooftops I remember

18. Life was going great, love was going to have to wait

19. Sitting on the corner of nowhere road, just between "I wish I could" and "I don't know"

20. I don't wanna waste my time on simple things, I'd rather stay here all the night with happy boys who sings

21. Never knew I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before

22. I want you, I want you so bad

23. If I were a flower growing wild and free, all I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee

24. The devil went down to Georgia, he was lookin' for a soul to steal

25. I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware

Yay for some really obvious ones :| And others I don't expect anyone on my friends list to get

I basically spent the afternoon looking at trailer and things for upcoming movies, so... ones I want to see, in no particular order:

1. X-men Origins: Wolverine
2. GI Joe - which thankfully, I can see with an unbiased opinion :| cause I only wanna see it for two reason - Arnold Vosloo and Ray Park
3. The Hobbit
4. THE LEDGEND OF ZELDA!!! I've never played the games, but I was inexplicably happy about that  *sigh* :|  Apparently, this was an elaboaborate April Fools joke from IGN, but there are hints of them really making one... but I have NO idea what's true or not anymore.
5. Confessions of a Shopholic
6. WICKED O_O OMG I WAS SO PUMPED WHEN I SAW THAT BAZ LUHRMANN OF ALL PEOPLE WAS GOING TO DO A MOVIE FOR WICKED *takes a breath*
7. Magneto - even though the character doesn't do as much for me as, say, Wolverine... I AM an X-Men movie fan, so I still wanna see it.
8. Dragonball Z live action >.> While I'm not into the show anymore really, I'm an ABSOLUTE sucker for nostelgia. And the damn trailer got the song Requiem for a Dream stuck in my head, dangit :| WHAT IS IT WITH ACTION MOVIES AND THAT SONG? Granted, the only other trailer I remember hearing it in was for the LotR Return of the King game. >.> BUT STILL
9. Austrailia - Because Baz Luhrmann is the shiz
10. Yes Man - cause it looks funny :|
11. Bedtime Stories - Adam Sandler in a Disney movie? I'm hopeful.
12. The Spirit
13. Alice in Wonderland liveaction - another of Tim Burton's and Johnny Depp's love childs
14. Inkheart - sadly, roughly the same plot base as Bedtime Stories, but still wanna see both of them. And hopefully even if one sucks, the other will be amazing

Those are at least SOME of the upcoming movies I WILL NEED TO SEE. >_< I'm sure there will be more, too >.>

On another note....

I am fed up with spoof movies. The first Scary Movie? Fine, it was amusing. The rest of them? It was obvious they were just banking on a fanbase, which is annoying, but another rant entirely. Then after that, it seemed like no movie genre was safe, and I am so sick of it. Perhaps it's because some of them go after movies that I love, and I'm defensive of them. But mostly I think I miss the smart, witty humor you used to see in comedys. I'm not saying I'm totally against slapstick humor... cause it CAN be amusing and funny when done right. But for the most part, I find slapstick humor kind of annoying. I'll watch shows like The Simpsons and Family Guy, and I'll laugh at some of the jokes... but I've never been fans, really.

I think what spurred this rant was that I saw that the Wayne Brothers were doing a dance movie spoof, and I got a little annoyed. Can we get some ORIGINAL movie ideas, please? PLEASE? I understand it's easiest to go along with a previously established fanbase - and as you can tell from my list of movies I wanna see, I am guilty of jumping on those movies like a hobo on a ham sandwich, too. But take the movie Juno, for instance.... Original movie, SMART humor, and a HUGE HIT.

Every movie will have people that like it, and people that hate it. But it'd be great if some movie producers went out on a limb, took a chance, and created an ORIGINAL movie. Even if the movie wasn't any good, they would still get points for that in my book.

I'm done now. :|

You know :| Sometimes it's actually nice to over-exaggerate what you think costs will be. Cause when it's less, you always feel better. I panicked when they said "payment plan" but with out they worked it out, since I paid for 15 visits during December right away, it was only $39 per visit, so in total it came to be just over $500 - which is not half bad at all.

Basically, today they went over all the stuff they found from the exam and X-Rays... and oh boy. My bones are all effed up. Instead of being straight, my spine sort of curves back and forth... think like how a snake slithers, only not as extreme, of course. And your neck is supposed to curve one way, right? Well, mine has started to curve in the opposite direction. One of the tests they did was had me lift my legs up like I was walking up some stairs, and normally your hips are supposed to rotate... mine don't. Add on the fact that most of my degrees of motion were only between 40 or 60 percent of what they should be, and yeah... fun times.

PLUS, apparently my arm muscles are all crapped up, too :| Because I'm right handed, obviously that hand is going to be stronger than my left hand, right? Well, usually the difference it around 10% stronger. Mine... was 90% BUT... the muscle in the forearm of my right arm was smaller than the one in my left. Which means, my left arm is trying to compensate for something. :| Or something... I don't know. It's all messed up.

But.... all that might suck and all. But by darnit all, I have the blood pressure of a 14 year old!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! (a day late, since I forgot I was making this post after I had to hurry to work)

Even those of you who may not celebrate the holiday, I'm sure you all still have something to be thankful for.

This year I am especially thankful to have money that I was able to use to participate in my favorite family tradition - our auction. Every year, my family brings new or gently used items to auction off amongst ourselves, and all the money that is made, goes towards helping provide a better Christmas for a family that needs help. I love my family anyway, but such a heartfelt and generous tradition makes me proud to be a part of it.

Among that, and many other things, I have extremely grateful to have the current relationships that I have. Whether it's my boyfriend or my best friends... I am extremely thankful to have people that not only listen to me when I have something to rant or rave about, but that manage to cheer me up without even really trying. Even though I've only known most of you for a couple years, you've become the best friends I've possibly ever had... even if it wasn't in the most conventional way. :| I really only have one close friend left that doesn't fall under this category, but we've been through a lot together over the, what? 7 or 8 years we've been friends? It doesn't matter if I met you online, or you're my last remaining friend from school, I love you all and I appreciate everything each and everyone one of you has done for me.

I am also thankful to be in the place I am now, and to have the optimism that it will only keep getting better.

I went to the Chiropractor today, they did an exam and took X-Rays and all that. Which is all well and good, except they didn't DO anything to fix it yet. I suppose it's understandable, cause they said they like to comb over the X-Rays really well before they do anything. But, damnit, I wanted instant gratification! :| I wanted to go in, and have them crack my bones, or whatever it is they do, and I wanted to feel better.

They did already say they definitely saw some stuff in my shoulder and even in my back a little, and I'll be going in on Monday morning for an adjustment... and to work out a payment plan. ~_~ I'm already fretting over how much money this is going to short me out. I know I can't put a price on my health... but still. I had just finally began to start actually putting some money in savings, and now I have a feeling I can kiss that all goodbye. I can only hope I will be pleasantly surprised like I had been today with the cost of the exam/x-rays. I was expecting it to cost thousands of dollars, but it turned out to be only $89 total (the doctor was nice and gave me a better-than-half-price-deal since I'm not under insurance yet).

Funny story about the X-Rays, though :| The doctor had to come and grab me from the exam room to redo some of them because I was "shorter than he thought." I suppose I should be flattered that he thought I was taller than I am? :|

So. :|

As far as the IcyHot patches go....  My mom got a box of five, and they each last 8 hours.  Well, that's all well and good, except that they didn't really work... they just smelled (not BADly... just smelled strongly )... That is, except for the last one.

Yup, that's right.  I get home from work tonight, and decide to use that last one, and low and behold... IT WORKS.  Which, YAY... except for the whole "OMG IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" effect it has when it gets hot. :|

And OMG IT'S BURNING right now as I type.

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS.

But I can't complain if it finally helps my neck. :|

My neck has been sore the past couple days, which... I figured was no big deal.  I thought it was probably just from sleeping funny, and it usually was better a little while after getting up.  But this morning, it was so bad I was in tears, and I had to literally roll myself out of my bed because I could not sit myself up.  But I rolled myself out of bed and took some pain killers, filled a sock with rice and heated it up, and now I'm propped in bed with the sock around my neck waiting for SOMETHING to start helping.

Mom said in a little bit she'll run to get me some IcyHot patches and some better pain meds, so hopefully one of those will help, and if it's not better in the next couple days she said she'll take me to the doctor (but we're holding off on that since I guess they'll probably need to take X-rays, so it'll be expensive, and I'm not under insurance now).  Thankfully, I don't have work today, but if it's not better tomorrow, I don't know what I'll do.  Because there is no way I'll be able to work like this.

I wish I fricken knew what it was from, though.  When I first brought it up to my mom a couple days ago, she thought it might be some sort of viral thing, but the bast bunch of times I've had someone give me a neck massage, they've always gone "O_O  Holy crap, there are a ton of knots in your neck."  So it might be from that or a pinched nerve or something.  I really should probably see about going to a Chiropractor about all those knots in there, though... whether it gets better in the next couple days or not.

;O;

Maintence Guys> *trying to pull something out of the cooler using a chain and a forklift*
Manda> *trying to get through to get something on the other side*
Guys> *stop for a little to rethink*
Manda> *decides now would be a good time to step over the chain*
Manda's foot> *gets caught on chain*
Manda> *falls to the floor*
Guys> :O Are you okay? :|:|:|
Manda> *gets up* Yeah :| *cracks up*
Kurt> Is it okay to laugh? :|
Manda> Yeah :| *still laughing*

My knee smarted for a little while :| But I wish I could have seen it. I can only imagine it looked hilarious. Later on Kurt apologized for laughing, but I told him it was totally cool cause I was laughing, too.

Personally, I find that if you laugh at yourself, it's not nearly as embarassing, because then people aren't laughing at you, they're laughing WITH you (pardon the cliche). :| All in all, tonight went fine. No more anxiety attacks, which is always a good thing.

OH.

MY.

GOD.

I know I've not had the most cheerful post lately, but to say that tonight sucked, doesn't even begin to cover it. To say that it sucked so bad, that I was so anxious I begin to feel sick and was shaking for over half of my shift... that would be a start. Why, you may ask? Well, I will tell you. Forgive the cheese factory speak. :|

The computer screwed up and starting pumping over to the towers (where the curds get all smooshed into block), something that SHOULD NOT have been pumping over at that time. Made a HUGE mess, put us way the hell behind, and had me almost sick with worry that it had been my fault and that I was going to be yelled at. I've always been this way with getting in trouble - I literally fear getting scolded or yelled at, even if it's just for little things. I've been like that ever since I can remember... I get sick, I get shakey, I get feverish... all that jazz.

But that was only the beginning. Because we were behind, and I was running around to catch up, I hadn't noticed that the vat that was washing was still washing when it was almost time for it to begin filling with milk. Which, if there isn't a clean vat... it kicks out the starter, and that would have been another huge mess. So what do I do?

I start hyperventilating.

This may sound like I'm being over-dramatic, but it's the honest to God truth. Even after the crisis was adverted, I was hyperventilating for a good 20 seconds and got all dizzy and weak in the knees. And I'm all by myself up there, so there was no one to be all "BREATH, Manda, BREATH." Or you know, get me a brown paper bag. I just wanted to go home and cry. I was never so grateful for it to turn midnight and be able to punch out.

On the bright side, no one blamed me for the mess. @_@ But still... oh my gosh. There is no emoticon for what I am feeling right now.

Okay :| So, this may sound humorous (and it is), but to me... it is also painful.

At work tonight, I was sitting on this metal counter thing that's in front of the computer, just chillin' while I waited for it to get to something I needed to move for. Now, this counter has doors on it, and the doors have these metal handles. So it gets to where I need to move to do something, and I jump down off the counter... and in the process, hit the area where thigh meets ass on the handle.

And put a small rip in my pants.

No biggie, just a small rip, and my shirt covers it, right? So I go about the rest of my night just fine (even though it did hurt like hell). Then when I'm done, I'm changing into my street clothes... and I noticed a little spot blood on my pants where they had ripped. I was all... /)_o

That's right, folks. :| I cut my ass at work today. That is all.

This isn't the type of post, I generally would put on here for fear of pushing my personal problems on other (even if I know I'm not really, I still feel like I am). But I haven't been able to get it off my mind, and my personal journal is packed away somewhere and I just need to get it out somewhere.

So, I have Turner Syndrome. I might have mentioned this to some of you before, but generally I don't bring it up cause I've always felt like I was past the stage of it even effecting me ever since I finished taking growth hormone shots. So really, I haven't even thought about it until I made a post on HPRPG, with a fun little quiz for members to take to learn more about each other... one of the questions I added was for them to share a little known fact, and that was what I put for mine.

No big deal, it's nothing I'm ashamed of or that bothers me. But after I did this, I realized... you know, I really never did any research of it, since I was so young when I was diagnosed... might as well do that now, since I'm in a curious mood. This was in general a bad idea. While, it's good to know these things for the future, they're things I don't really wanna think about.

Things I learned:
1. I'm lucky to be alive, since most fetuses with TS are miscarried.
2. I'm at a heightened risk for several cardiovascular problems - ESPECIALLY if I get pregnant.
3. 1 in 3 women with TS have a thyroid disorder, so I'm at risk for that.
4. I have a heightened risk for diabetes, as well.
5. On a less serious note, I now I have excuse for my poor memory and ADD moments. :|

In all honesty, the bits that I've read about pregnancy are what is eating at me the most. It says on Wikipedia:

"As more women with Turner syndrome complete pregnancy thanks to the new modern techniques to treat infertility, it has to be noted that pregnancy may be a risk of cardiovascular complications for the mother.
Indeed several studies had suggested an increased risk for aortic dissection in pregnancy (Lin et al, 1998). Three deaths have even been reported. The influence of estrogen has been examined but remains unclear. It seems that the high risk of aortic dissection during pregnancy in women with Turner syndrome may be due to the increased hemodynamic load rather than the high estrogen rate (Elsheikh et al, 2002).
Of course these findings are important and need to be remembered while following a pregnant patient with Turner syndrome."

But that doesn't even bother me as much as the fact that it says a little later on that: While some women with Turner syndrome have successfully become pregnant and carried their pregnancies to term, this is very rare and is generally limited to those women whose karyotypes are not 45,X.[8] Even when such pregnancies do occur, there is a higher than average risk of miscarriage or birth defects, including Turner Syndrome or Down Syndrome.

I've already prepared myself for having a difficult time getting pregnant when the time comes for me to be ready, and I KNOW Wikipedia is not always entirely factual... but they never told me (probably because I was so young) that I am extreme risk of miscarrying if I get pregnant. Or that on the off chance that I DO carry to term, it would probably cause cardiovascular problems. For someone like me who wants nothing more than to have babies when the time is right, it's just all very hard for me to swallow this. Any one who has seen Juno, will understand what I mean when I say I'm like Vanessa... I just love babies.

I know I already shocked the doctors when I first started my period, WITHOUT aid of any sort of fertility stuff that they could have put me on, so in that sense, I suppose I'm already ahead of most girls with TS, since they're almost universally infertile. And even after having a ovary removed because of ovarian cancer, the surgeon said that the other was working normal... but now that I think about it, I don't know if he meant normal in the sense of how it was working before, or in the sense of how ovaries should be working. Another part of what is upsetting me is that I can't stop hearing my dad's voice after I had my surgery telling me I probably shouldn't have kids.

I KNOW I shouldn't be worrying about this yet, since it'd be totally irresponsible for me to have a baby anytime soon, but... ugh. I don't WANT to be like Molly Weasley with seven kids, but I'd at least like to have the option! LOL For now I guess there's nothing to do but keep positive. Who knows what medicine will look like by the time I'm having babehs, since they've already come so far with fertility drugs and the like.

But I've gone on WAY long enough, and I apologize for the rambling to anyone who read it.

A girl I worked with at Potbelly said to me once, "There are good days, and there are learning days." Last night was one of those learning days, and it sucked. I didn't post about it then, because my post probably would have just been me being all "OMG!!111!!eventy-one!! LAST NIGHT WAS THE SUXOR!!" In all honesty, it could have been a LOT worse, but I can't even begin to count the times I said "DAMNIT" through-out the night.

Even before this it was turning out to be a crappy night, but basically, I forgot to add the Renet to one of the vats... and when you do THAT, it doesn't set, and if it doesn't set it doesn't cook into curds, it's just... milk. THANKFULLY, I caught it before it started pumping over, or else it would have been a HUGE mess, and they probably would have murdered me, or strung me from the rafters by my ankles or something. Or I would have just cried. Even so, it set them back 40 minutes, which... now that I think about it... sucks for them, but it was fine for me, cause it ended up meaning less work for me to do. :|

Also, a couple nights ago, I think I realized why I hate this job so much. Besides the cheese, of course. I think it actually IS because I don't have much people interaction. I used to love coming home with a hilarious story from work... I mean... just look at my previous journal posts and that's almost all that they are LOL Man, I never thought I'd say this, but I might actually MISS working with people... I mean, I do now. But we all have individual tasks, so we're not actually working TOGETHER. Oh wells. It's only until June.

That is all. Hopefully nothing goes wrong tonight... this is one mistake I will NOT let myself do again.

Oh, and I've also decided I'm going to go back and start tagging my posts.